


The Deep

by Mister_Spock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Drowning, Friendship, Gen, PTSD, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 05:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Spock/pseuds/Mister_Spock
Summary: Spock shares the trauma of a bad experience from his youth.





	The Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions some trauma about drowning, so maybe don't read if you don't like that.   
> Minot character death.

“I told you wife that he would not enjoy the experience,” Sarek said as their infant child shrieked while his mother held him in the shallow water and carefully washed him. 

“Hush, dear. It's natural for a baby to be unsettled the first couple of times.” 

“He is Vulcan. It is not natural for an infant Vulcan to be exposed to water to frequently and so young.” 

“He is also human. That side must be nurtured too.” 

The baby continued to cry. 

~

Amanda had wanted to object to the school trip. 

The Vulcan's believed that it was good for young male Vulcan's to spend time away from their families and experience nature and survival for themselves. They were supervised by adults, but Amanda feared the usual bias would fall upon her son. 

At six years old, he was not a baby to be coddled any longer, yet he was her child and would forever be precious to her in a way that she knew Spock and even Sarek would never understand.   
But she knew that she had to let him do this too. All Vulcan children had such tasks to complete. Not allowing it would make him more of an outcast. 

So she waited patiently for the few days to pass by and tried not to appear too anxious when he came home. Tried not to fuss over him. 

It was only a split lip. But the hint of a bruise underneath and she knew it had been inflicted and it wasn't the harsh conditions that Sarek implied.   
And even at six year old, Spock had stopped confiding in her about these types of incidents. 

~

“Spock, get you landing party together and meet in the transporter room in 20 minutes,” Kirk said. 

Spock nodded as he looked over the data on his PADD to access the best team for the task. Spock didn't pay much attention to those in the meeting leaving until he was done and found only himself and McCoy left in the room.   
McCoy was waiting at the door and a quick glance told Spock that McCoy had locked the door to prevent anyone else entering. 

Spock raised an eyebrow in question as he eyed the locked door. “Something you wish to discuss, Doctor?”

“You're going to lead that landing party?”

“Clearly,” Spock replied. 

“I thought you had a thing about water?”

Spock frowned. “A 'thing' about water?”

McCoy sighed. “The drowning thing?”  
The change in Spock's face was minimal and he did well to cover his surprise so quickly. But McCoy had noticed it. “So it's true then?”

Spock kept his gaze averted for a moment or two before meeting McCoy's look. “It is of no concern, to yourself or the task at hand,” Spock said, stepping past the doctor and unlocking the door. 

~

Jim had noticed his hoovering, checking the landing party updates. But he didn't say anything. 

Sometimes McCoy did do that. If the danger seemed to be high, but as far as Jim was concerned, this was a straight forward mission, so McCoy's presence made him a little anxious. 

When they were ready for beam up, McCoy headed to the transporter room along with Jim. The crew debriefed and all was well.   
Except now Spock was actively avoiding the doctor. He blatantly ignored his presence there and went about finishing his duties.   
McCoy mulled over how best to approach Spock and ended up heading to his quarters three hours after Spock had been off duty.   
He made sure he wasn't with Uhura first, nothing to make matters worse than busting in on their quality time together, though it didn't surprise him Uhura was also not present.

He buzzed and the door opened with a simple command from Spock.   
The scent of incense hung heavily in the air and the lights were low, sure signs Spock had been meditating. 

“I wasn't sure I'd be welcome,” McCoy said, hesitating by the door as it closed behind him. 

“You are always welcome, Doctor. Although the memories you choose to bring up are not always so welcome.” Spock replied. He remained seated at his desk. McCoy knew that Spock always mediated on a mat on the floor. He wondered if Spock had been about to meditate or had already completed it. 

“Just so you know, I wasn't snooping through your files or anything. Stuff like that, which might be an issue, it's flagged up for medical.”

“But you did look further into it,” Spock replied. It wasn't an accusation. 

“A long time ago, but yeah. And just so you know, there's a lot of pressure on me not to let you die,” McCoy said, pointing a finger in Spock's direction. 

“There is also a lot of pressure on me not to die. But I grant that your job maybe harder. Besides, if I fail, I do not have to live with the consequences.” 

“Stop talking like that. It's depressing as Hell.” McCoy said. He moved away from the door and went over to one of the incense burners, a warming orange glow coming from the flame, with deep red at the top. “So is this genuine?”

“It is a replication of one I had on Earth. Many Vulcan's who survived gave any genuine artifacts in their possession to the Elders of New Vulcan. So those genuine items could be immortalised for future generations.”

“I wanted to just, you know, say I'm sorry if that comment I made before the mission threw you at all. I didn't think it through. I shouldn't have mentioned it.”

“Would you like a tea, Doctor?” Spock replied, getting up from the desk. 

“I'm not really a big tea drinker.” 

“I am afraid I have nothing else I can offer you,” Spock replied as he made himself a drink. 

McCoy let out a sigh. “It's okay. I guess I should get going, let you get back to your.... thing.” He turned to leave but Spock spoke out before the door opened. 

“I do not have a dislike for water.” 

McCoy stopped and turned to the Vulcan. He was still in the darkness of the room, but the flicking from the candles in the room lit up his face. 

“Vulcans do not have much association with water. It is rare almost sacred on our planet. Water sources are scarce and heavy rains so rare. Yet they always bring with them so much life and rage.” Spock took a drink from his tea. “My mother bathed me as an infant any human would bathe their child. It was met with much disapproval, from both my Father and myself. But I grew used to it. On an outing as a child, a storm came upon our group. I did not notice the first drops of rain, even though I was further out that the other children. I did not warn them because it did not frighten me as it frightened them. By the time the rain reached them, it was too late to find any real cover.”

“It was only rain.” McCoy shrugged. 

“A fierce storm. Thunder and lightning. It was probably the first that most had experienced. Not like a storm on Earth. And very different if you are out and exposed in the middle of it. The elders in the group did their best to shelter us from it. One of the boys fled. In sheer panic he ran. There were only two elders with us, so one of them went after him. We waited. But they did not come back. So once the storm passed, we headed in the direction they had gone to find them.”

“Surely you should have all been taken home first?” McCoy interjected. 

“The experience was about nature and survival. What better example than this?” 

McCoy shook his head and Spock continued. “It did not take long to find them. Vulcan was home to many wild animals that prowled the deserts for food. That night, in their fear and panic, they had not been thinking about the dangers from animals, just the storm and rain. We gathered what we could find that remained of them, dug a hole and then burnt what was left so the ground would not be disturbed by creatures that could smell the flesh and blood. And we piled stones on top to mark where their bodies were. Then we headed back.” 

“What did your parents say when you got home?” 

“It took two days to get home. The following morning, we were gathering berries in the woods for breakfast. Two of the boys played a prank on me. I believed they were in danger and went to help, but they were in no danger.” 

Spock's voice had been calm and quiet throughout, but it dropped even quieter. “I still do not know if they were aiming to be so violent in revenge or if it went beyond their expectations, however I recall them tripping me when I got close to them. The official report, the one you read, says that I tripped and fell into a body of water and almost drowned. I know that they tripped me, and struck the back of my head with a rock. I woke as they dragged me by my legs through to the body of water. I did not struggle, I did not believe I was in danger. The ground was still damp from the rain before and I lay there looking up at the sky through the trees above. I could hear birds and the elder calling our names. It did not seem dangerous.”

“And what did they do?” McCoy pressed. 

Spock looked at McCoy. “Is it not obvious? One of them pulled me into the water and dropped me into it, he pushed me down so my head was submerged and he did not let go. The other.... “ Spock frowned as he tried to remember clearly. “I believe he kicked, or maybe threw stones at my body. I can not say clearly what it was. But they hurt and they left bruises. My eyes were closed. Tightly, I could not see a thing, just darkness. So I do not know when exactly I passed out but the next thing I remember is the elder striking my back and me coughing up water. The boys said I tripped and fell and he nodded his head and that is what he told the others when we returned and that is what I told my parents. Even though I could remember what they did, I did not tell them differently.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Two people died. If I had made an accusation I would have tarnished the deaths of those that lost their lives. And the families of those boys would have argued their innocence. And they would have been believed.”

“They could have killed you.” 

“Yes.” 

“Don't you ever think that you have a duty to do something about it now?”

“They both perished on Vulcan.” Spock was back to staring blankly at something only he could see. “Doctor, many tormented me as a child as I was different. And most of them are dead. And I would face all of those tormentors again and suffer through it all if I could have my home back.” 

McCoy swallowed down his own emotions. Spock didn't need him to go all soft on him. “Fuck,” he muttered quietly to himself. “Okay so for future reference, how do you feel about water?”

“I am indifferent to it. Water did not try and kill me. It is illogical to fear it.” 

McCoy nodded. “I'm removing the note then. It's irrelevant.”

Spock said nothing. He seemed to remember the tea he had made for himself and drank the remainder of it.   
“Have you got the answers you sought out, Doctor?”

“I wasn't looking for answers. Not really. You didn't have to tell me all that.” 

“I believe sometimes your human theories of sharing may be of some value. Thank you, Doctor.”

“Your welcome, Spock.”

“I'll leave to your meditation.” 

Spock nodded. “Good night, Doctor.” 

“Night.”


End file.
